Day to day I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up in the morning. When you live in a hotel without your usual diversions, you have a lot of time to think, for better or for worse. Some days I think of the things I miss; other days I question my life and wonder if it has any meaning or if I'm just a spoiled hedonist; some times I wonder if anyone even gives a damn that I'm gone, and usually conclude that most probably don't- but the ones that do are the reason for me to keep going, and look forward to my return home.

Some days I ride to work and see unhappy people everywhere I look. People on rusty bikes struggling to pull a heavy wagon loads behind them; the beggers waiting on me at the intersection to bang on my car window. Today though as I left the hotel I felt good for some reason which I can't explain. It's a beautiful sunny January day, a little cool but certainly not what I'd consider to be cold. The India-Pakistan cricket match is playing, which is the most important cricket match here from what I can ascertain. On the ride to work I saw the same beggers as yesterday, but this time it was in front of a shopping mall in Gurgaon several kilometers from where I saw them in Delhi yesterday- farther than they could have walked. It may sound cruel to someone who has never been here, but I couldn't help but laugh. It's basically just a travelling show, with dirt for makeup, performed for the sake of the tourists and business people who may not know better. Of course it's easier to laugh when it's a healthy teenage girl asking for money; not so when you have a mother pinching her baby to make it cry or a couple of five year olds sent out by their parents to beg on a crowded highway; but today it looks like all of the latter took the day off. Everyone seems more cheerful all around, or maybe it's my perception of what it is to be happy that is changing. As we pulled into the office, a group of young children played cricket in an empty lot, most definately having a better understanding of the game than me, and they looked as happy as any group of children back home.

I think one reason I feel good today is because tomorrow I'm leaving for Kashmir. Kashmir is part of the disputed territory between India and Pakistan; from this dispute has arisen terrorism such as the Delhi market bombings which occurred my second night here, and there has been a tremendous loss of life in Kashmir over the last several decades, including both military and civilians. So what am I doing going there? There is a reason so many people on both sides want to claim Kashmir- it is amazingly beautiful, and hopefully in a few days I'll be posting pictures to show it. In Kashmir you'll find Daal Lake- right now frozen for the first time in 70 years. People are walking across it, and if I make it there I hope to as well, if it's still frozen thick enough. In the area of Kashmir where I'll be going the Himalayas are there- I'll be taking a gondola to 14,000 feet and snow skiing, not something I had thought I'd be able to do in India, but something I'm really looking forward to. For me a winter without a ski trip is a winter wasted. The snow is supposed to be good and the weather uncommonly cold right now; since I feel like I've had a year without a Christmas I'm really looking forward to seeing it. And it is dangerous in Kashmir, but my time in India, and my time in general, is limited; I'm going to choose having the experience, for better or worse, over having the regret the rest of my life for passing up the opportunity to see this place.